Gundam 00 S2 [Re-Encode] Batch
WE FUCKING DID IT! Remember two years ago when we announced this? Jesus, it’s been way too long. I won’t even bother going into the delay factors or anything like that. Ever since we made that announcement, Helios Division hasn’t been working on anything else. But before I go into the details of why it took so long, here’s the torrent:
OK, so why the hell did this take so long? It had nothing to do with actually timing the episodes—that only took about 20 minutes per episode. It had everything to do with proof-checking and pre-processing the subtitles themselves. I swear, that’s the last time I ever use official subtitles or whatever the fuck they were. It was like the editor had a hard-on for ellipsis; this only applied to the second season.
Here’s the actual pre-processing workflow that I had to establish for this batch:
Substitution Notation ==Punctuation Symbols== Period = XPX Comma = XCX Ellipse = XEX Semicolon = XSX Question Mark = XQX ==Corrections== Capitalization = =C= Lowercase = =L= Steps: 1. Remove the Margins 2. Remove the OP and ED 3. Move all signs to top 4. Remove all Tags - No regular expression 5. Remove all "\N" by using regular expressions a. Those with text before and after - REGEX: (\S*)(\\N)(\S*) - Replace: $1 $3 b. Those with text before - REGEX: (\S*)(\\N)(\s*) - Replace: $1 c. Those with text after - REGEX: (\s*)(\\N)(\S*) - Replace: $3 d. Those without text before and after - REGEX: (\s*)(\\N)(\s*) - Replace: <string.Empty> 6. Replace all of the "double lines" (lines with more than one speaker) - REGEX: (.*)(,,)(-)(.*)(-)(.*) - Replace: $1$2$4\n$1$2$6 + Then Replace the ",, " (double commas with a space) with ",," (double commas without the space) 6. Go through and mark up all of the "..." with Substitution Notation 7. Remove all "..." 8. Start substituting everything
I’m not even kidding. But why did we have to do this kinda bullshit anyways? Because each subtitle file had over 300+ misplaced ellipsis and coalesced several lines into one, which is irritating if you have to style them differently.
As you can imagine this burned me out fairly quickly, which is why this release took over a year and a half to be completed—it might have taken more.
Anyways, that’s enough bitching. I never wanna see this series ever again.
The movie has been postponed in lieu of my rage-quit against the Gundam 00 franchise in general. Basically, I’ll get to the Gundam 00: A wakening movie later or maybe I’ll give it to Strikez if he ever makes it out of purgatory; more details in the reports below.
3rd Year Anniversary
I forgot about our birthday—again. But wow, can you believe it’s been over 3 years since we started this group? And We haven’t gotten any better about meeting deadlines either. We’re still alive and paying the bills, but we’ve been very preoccupied with work. Strikez started work this year and I started January 2012, but it hasn’t gotten any less busy for him or me.
Rest assured that no matter what, as long as our TODO list of anime still has titles on it, we will be operational. Albeit, we’re just going to be going very slowly.
BTW, Strikez and I actually got the chance to go to Anime Expo this year in LA. The expo was pretty awesome, but LA sucked dildos. Stay away from LA.
End of March/April/May/June/July 2013 Report
Let me summarize with this: We did nothing. That’s the report. Except for the Gundam 00 S2 batch, we did absolutely nothing but pay rent. You’re welcome.
Next Generation Systems
So we knew this question would need to be answered at some point. With the introduction of the next generation consoles, I’m debating whether to support all of the new next generation consoles as well as the current line up of devices. It really depends on the encoding requirements of the new systems. I suspect that the new systems will at least support what the current generation of consoles support, because if they didn’t, they wouldn’t be able to play Bluray movies.
I know that I’ll end up getting the Playstation 4, because I’m some sort of Sony fanatic, so we’re probably going to end up at least adding that to our lineup.
We stopped taking donations a long time ago and I can’t remember if I mentioned this or not.
As far as the next anime I plan on releasing, I think I’m going to go with something simple and relaxing, like Dog Days. I’m going to be helping Strikez get the Tsubasa batch out soon, but the last episode is some of the worst sign hell in history.
I’ll announce the next series soon…probably.
This dude cannot catch a break. He’s been on mandatory OT for the past…ever and the moment he’s allowed to have his life back, I’m going to steal it away from him and force him to do the Tsubasa batch.
And as a final WTF in celebration of our 3rd birthday, I’m going to be releasing a little satirical summary of the latest Evangelion movie: You Can (Not) Redo. It’s in the same vain as Thumbnail Theatre and even takes some lines verbatim. Credit to whoever wrote the original jokes because they’re hilarious.
As far as the report goes, that’s all I got.
Asuka: Using a land-based mecha jury-rigged to retrieve an inconspicuous space-bound tesseract seems like a dubious plan.
Mari: Whoops! I managed to become completely worthless yet again.
Asuka: Shut up, cat-girl. You’re just a vestigial character Mr. Anno created so that he could appeal to a new generation of weebo idiots. None of the original Neon Genesis fans actually like you so just sit back and meow your head off.
Asuka: Alright I remember this part from Apollo 13, so I know how to properly set the entry trajectory of orbiting space objects without frying myself to death.
Mk. 04B: Except in Apollo 13, they didn’t have to worry about Angels popping up out of nowhere.
Asuka: It’s a good thing I decided not to take any weapons with me. It’s not like we didn’t anticipate SEELE protecting their single greatest trump card for the Human Instrumentality Project.
Misato: Shhh, mum’s the word. We still have 90 minutes to fill with pompous tirades, thinly veiled as a plot, against the anime fandom.
Asuka: Shinji, you suck! And even though you’ve been in stasis for the past 14 years as LCL puree, hurry up and do something or we’re all going to die!
Unit 01 / Shinji: ACTIVATE ABILITY: DEUS EX MACHINA!
Asuka: Well that was fortunate.
Misato: Welcome aboard the Wunder, Shinji. Hope you don’t mind us treating you like some sort of convict and strapping an explosive dog collar around your neck. Now, if you’ll excuse us, we have some angels to fight.
Ritsuko: The situation is hopeless. We’re all just a bunch of scrubs and we’re not ready for the first boss fight yet.
Misato: It’s OK, Ritsuko. I was playing Final Fantasy the other day and I got it figured out. We’ll just turn our boat into an airship leaving our undersides completely defenseless.
Ritsuko: Well I guess we’ve been throwing common sense out the window since the first movie, so let’s see what happens when we throw logic out too.
Sakura: Whoa! Check it out, we are uh…
Shinji: …flying…in a boat. And the other battleships are also flying. Um, yeah. Wow.
Asuka: I think we’ve officially punched through the bottom of the barrel.
Ritsuko: It’s a good thing the crew and I rehearsed shouting useless techno jargon for the sake of this ridiculous fight sequence.
Sakura: It sure beats the old days when the battle was depicted entirely by us screaming at glowing hexagons on a viewscreen.
Shinji: So, does anyone want to explain what’s going on?
Ritsuko: I’d give you a straight answer, but then the movie would be too short.
Asuka: Shinji, you suck. Also, it’s been 14 years since Gendo manipulated you into causing the Third Impact. The remains of humanity still hate you for it though.
Shinji: So that means I saved Rei, right?
Rei (Black): You called?
Misato: Shinji, don’t go! Or I’ll activate your shock collar.
Shinji: Wait, does that mean you’ll tell me what’s going on?
Misato: Are you kidding? I don’t even think the writers know what’s going on.
Misato: Fine, here’s your morsel of storytelling: We’re an organization called Wille and we’re dedicated to destroying NERV for no adequately explained reason. Also, Rei doesn’t exist but I refuse to explain what I mean for the sake of this movie’s desultory plot.
Shinji: Man that sounds too stupid even for me. I’ll take my chances with Rei.
Misato: No! I barely have any screen time as it is! Don’t leave! Half-wit!
Mari: BOOM! HEADSHOT!
Rei (Black): You got me! Sike! I had a second health bar.
Mari: What?! No fair! My weapons are useless against ass-pulls!
Ritsuko: Hurry up and put that dog collar to use!
Misato: No, I can’t do it! It turns out that I’m just a spineless wimp after all.
Ritsuko: It’s a good thing I pushed for the sequel option, because there goes our screen time.
Shinji: I guess I saved Rei after all.
Rei (Black): You keep thinkin’ that.
Shinji: So wait a minute, this is where you’ve taken me for safe keeping? A completely dilapidated, open-aired shell of NERV’s headquarters where, mysteriously, the mile-long escalator down to the basement is the only working mechanism in the entire area? How is it that Wille hasn’t stormed the gates with their newly developed fleet of flying battleships?
Gendo: Shinji, I haven’t seen you in 14 years, but the only thing I want to tell you is that you’ll be participating in my incoherent, louche plan to continue the mass extinction of the human race by piloting this new EVA with the mysterious boy standing behind you. Thanks for letting me push you around. Also, you suck. That is all.
Shinji: Hey Rei, looks like you’re living in a storage container. Hope you don’t mind me barging in while you’re naked. By the way, you wouldn’t happen to know what went on for the past 14 years, would you? Or how you got out of Unit 01 after I turned into a demi-god?
Rei (Black): …
Shinji: How about books? You like reading books?
Rei (Black): …
Shinji: OK, well I’m going to go sulk for a while.
Kaworu: Hey Shinji, let’s play the piano together.
Shinji: Who are you?
Kaworu: Someone who loves you.
Shinji: I’ve never played the piano before. Besides, what’s this have to do with the plot?
Kaworu: This is just Mr. Anno’s way of pontificating to the audience that his crap doesn’t stink. We’ve somehow managed to avoid any religious references though.
Shinji: Let’s lie down together and look at the stars. That way no matter what happens, we will be immortalized in endless yaoi slashfics.
Kaworu: After 14 years of waiting, my life finally has meaning. I love you, Shinji!
Shinji: Hey, Kaworu. Do you know what happened these past 14 years? This movie’s chatty and pretentious bits are becoming interminable and dull and I’m pretty sure the audience is wondering if this film isn’t actually an elaborate couch trip.
Kaworu: OK, I’ll tell you but don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Kaworu: You caused the near-extinction of mankind 14 years ago. Despite the fact that no one informed you that your tumultuous mental and emotional state while piloting the most powerful weapon on Earth could cause the next apocalypse, all of humanity still holds it against you.
Kaworu: But hey, don’t take it too hard. It only resulted in the death most of humanity, including your friend Taji, whose shirt you’re wearing now. Those who did survive are currently at war with whatever remains of NERV. I’m sure you’ll get over it.
Shinji: Hey, I’m always looking for a new reason to mope and feel sorry for myself.
Shinji: But really, this was all NERV’s fault, right?
Kaworu: No. Well yes. You see, your actions lead to your sins, which you were manipulated into doing. So they’re someone else’s actions and someone else’s sins. But your actions are your own, even though someone else made you do them. But they’re your sins and no sin is unforgivable. Oh look, I don’t know what I’m talking about anymore. Can we go back and play the piano?
Shinji: Can you at least try to explain this in a way we all can understand? Heck, I’ll even take some foreshadowing if sitting down and fleshing out the plot is too much to handle.
Kaworu: Foreshadowing, mmm. Doors of Guf, Lilin, Human Instrumentality Project, Vessel of Adams, Evolution. OK, that’s enough for now.
Fuyutsuki: Let’s play shogi. It’ll give me the perfect pretense to foreshadow the rest of the movie.
Shinji: Wow, does that mean this movie actually has a story?
Fuyutsuki: Actually, no. It means it was my job to oversee an experiment where your mother fused with EVA Unit 01 and became a part it’s control system. Also, Rei is a clone of your mother who is also fused with Unit 01.
Gendo: You can thank me for that one.
Shinji: So I initiated an apocalyptic calamity that caused the near-genocide of humanity for the sake of saving my mother’s clone and I didn’t even manage to do that. Wow, I really suck. I’m going to go to the bathroom and wrench about something else.
Fuyutsuki: That’s OK. The good news is everyone in this movie sucks.
Gendo: Except for me, of course. Dance, my puppets, dance! In the meantime, I’m going to putter about and examine this gigantic, decrepit Rei head and do mysterious things.
Shinji: Why aren’t you reading my books, Rei?
Rei (Black): Because you suck.
Shinji: How come you didn’t tell me that you’re my mother’s clone?
Rei (Black): How am I supposed to know? I’m not even sure why I’m in even in this movie.
Shinji: I guess I’ll have a mental breakdown and lapse into a state of schizophrenia.
Gendo: It’s time to pilot Unit 13, my pawns.
Shinji: I don’t wanna. Unit 13 is big and icky.
Kaworu: But Shinji, we can fix all of the world’s problems with the magical relics sitting at the bottom of the pit.
Shinji: How are we supposed to do that?
Kaworu: Through flagrant abuse of Kabbalistic symbolism.
Shinji: Your ostensible substitutes for an actual storyline and character depth are no match for my petulant angst!
Kaworu: Alright, how about this: I’ll take off your dog collar and put it on myself. Will you stop sucking then?
Shinji: Wait, why don’t you just throw it in the garbage?
Kaworu: So Mr. Anno can thoroughly crush your soul later.
Misato: Through means we haven’t explained, I’ve detected another EVA unit.
Ritsuko: Wait a minute, if we can detect the DSS Choker from here, why don’t we just detonate it now and prevent the next Armageddon?
Misato: Fool! Logic has no place in this movie.
Shinji: Rei, you suck.
Shinji: Interesting Christmas decorations you got here.
Kaworu: Oh, don’t worry about those red EVAs in the walls. Those are just failed attempts to turn the people of Tokyo-3 into Gods during the Third Impact. Ya know, the one you caused.
Shinji: At last, that incomprehensible “piano” subplot has come to fruition and it has somehow allowed us to penetrate this large religious seal at the bottom of Terminal Dogma.
Shinji: OK, those are the spears. Let’s grab ‘em and go home.
Kaworu: Hang on, something doesn’t make sense.
Shinji: Huh? What are you talking about? Which part doesn’t make sense? The tenuous purpose of our current situation? The fact that your character’s motives have been left completely unexplained for the past two movies? The fact that you can breathe and talk in space? Or your explanation of what happened 14 years ago, which was overwrought with incomprehensible jargon that forced everyone to read the Eva Wiki?
Kaworu: No, dummy. I’m talking about the spears. Pulling them out may do something bad, but I refuse to elucidate any further for fear of ending the movie prematurely.
Asuka: On that note, I better pop up out of nowhere before the credits roll.
Asuka: Shinji, you suck. Go home, you’re drunk. Don’t pull out those spears.
Shinji: Does anyone in this movie actually want to tell me what would happen if I pull them out? Kaworu, how about you? What’s going on here?
Kaworu: Oh, I’m sorry Shinji. I’m quite lost in reverie while you take on the forces of Wille all by yourself. I’m going to meekly stand idle and watch you end the world again.
Shinji: If nobody is going to take those spears out, then I will.
Rei (Black): Uh oh, ever since the second movie everyone has forgotten that I exist. Hey Shinji, need a hand with the apocalypse?
Gendo: Ahh, and the pawns initiate the Fourth Impact, right on schedule.
Kaworu: Gosh, I totally mistook the plan of an evil madman hell-bent on human genocide for one of world restoration and prosperity. Color me embarrassed.
SEELE’s Last Words
Gendo: I’ve done away with your plan, SEELE. No hard feelings.
SEELE: That’s all right. Besides, I think we’re way beyond the point of trying to fool the audience into thinking there’s actually a comprehensible story behind all of this.
Gendo: Good point. Now die.
Shinji: Well, I guess I can’t feign ignorance this time.
Rei (Black): Hey, Shinji, remember how you were saying that I suck? Well, actually, you suck!
Kaworu: This is, probably, partially my fault. If I hadn’t been in a state of torpor and muted this entire time all of this could’ve been avoided.
Shinji: Don’t be so hard on yourself. This movie’s only real talent is its ability to put the audience to sleep.
Misato: And I’m now screaming valiantly in an effort to stop the Fourth Impact.
Rei (Black): Bah! My machine is going berserk and kicking your flying butt.
Asuka: Well, I don’t think weed whacking the ground with the wings of Wunder is a good thing. I’ll take care of that. Mari, you go save the world.
Mari: Wait, I’m actually still in this movie?
Asuka: Even though kamikaze style attacks never worked before, we’re going to try it now.
Ritsuko: We’ve somehow managed to improbably survive a massive explosion that occurred a mere few hundred meters from us while on rickety airship. Who writes this crap?
Shinji: So, what are we gonna do now, Kaworu?
Kaworu: Well, I’ll start by spouting New Age dribble meant to bamboozle you and the audience.
Shinji: I’m pretty sure the movie has become completely incomprehensible at this point. There’s no need to continue inflicting your convoluted pseudo-philosophical jargon upon the audience. Besides, you’re just making this up as you go along, right?
Kaworu: Curses. Well, the jig’s up. In that case, remember how I mentioned that thing about completely crushing your soul?
Shinji: Oh, you mean when you took my dog colla—
Shinji: Oh God! OK, you win. This would be a good time to slip into a state of listless gloom.
Mari: That’s my cue to save the world! Shinji, you suck!
Ritsuko: Well that was inexplicably fortunate. Instead of questioning what really happened there, let’s just get the hell out of here.
Gendo: Why yes, this is the third time I’ve manipulated events behind the scenes. SEELE has now been completely removed from the picture and we’ve awakened Unit 13.
Fuyutsuki: Was there any point to any of this wanton destruction? We haven’t even fully explained the purpose behind the “Vessel of Adams” or the Second Impact.
Gendo: That’s the point! This is Mr. Anno’s way of denigrating the audience into feeling like Shinji: abused, flummoxed, and entirely impertinent to the suffering Mr. Anno went through to make these remakes in light of the infamous “Congratulations” scene. It’s like the creator is validating his own obnoxiousness.
Asuka: Shinji, you suck! Why didn’t you try to help me? And don’t think that I’ll accept the world denouncing your existence, watching the only person who loved you explode into gumbo-guts, and me trying to kill you as an excuse to curl up into a ball and lethargically lay there like some sap.
Shinji: That’s odd, you kicking me doesn’t give me any more reason to care.
Rei (Black): Well this movie made no sense. Despite the fact that there was absolutely no closure or story progression, do you think Mr. Anno is going to have a proper plot ending in the next movie?
Gendo: Whoa, hang on! Who said anything about a plot? You should know better by now than to expect anything from Evangelion.
Misato: At least there’ll be fanservice!